|| Kindness |
|| Knowledge |
|| Integrity |
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
I watched the CBS Sunday Morning story below and was struck by how pervasive the idea of
winning at all costs has become in our society today.
Lance Armstrong is the latest example of someone who embraced that approach. Look how it turned out for him.
The Tennessee Titans are considering hiring suspended New Orleans Saints' defensive coach Greg Williams if
he has his lifetime suspension lifted. There's a lot of discussion about the merits of hiring a coach who was alleged to
promote the idea of winning at all costs while at the Saints.
This caused me to consider what I have learned about this subject. I quickly came up with a couple of
guiding principals that have served me well during my life:
- Life is a journey, not a destination.
- It's not if you win or lose, it's how you play the game.
then considered how these simple ideas have been lost to many in our society today.
- Football and basketball players who fake being fouled (flopping) in the hope that they will win an advantage
in the game.
- Lawyers who use legal technicalities to win cases with
no regard for the over-riding issue of justice.
- Students who cheat to
earn credits they otherwise could not obtain.
- Corporate executives who
pack compensation boards to enable themselves to earn excessive compensation to the detriment of stockholders.
- Politicians who reconfigure voting districts for the sole purpose of winning an advantage in elections.
- Healthy persons who fake disabilities in order to get preferred parking privileges.
- etc., etc., etc.
You can add your own items to this
list. We all have our own pet peeves.
However, as you add your own
items to this list, consider you own daily actions measured against the two items I've noted above. Are you more concerned
with winning or losing, or do you consider it more important to complete the journey of life treating others the way you would
like to have been treated?
The psychology of winning - and losing
(CBS News, SUNDAY MORNING, 3 February 2013) The
phrase "Win some, lose some" will be little consolation for
the players and fans of whichever team loses in today's Super Bowl. Just ask
somebody who's been there. Our Cover Story is reported by Susan Spencer of 48
In football-crazed Buffalo, the Bills are revered . . . and to this day, so
is the number 12.
Jim Kelly (whose jersey number is the only one the Bills have retired)
proudly wore number 12 for eleven years, winning more than 100 games. Starting
in 1990, he did something that no other quarterback in history has ever
achieved: He led his team to FOUR straight Super Bowls.
It hasn't happened since, and Kelly said, "It will never happen again.
There's no way. To what we did, I'm very proud. I'm proud to say I was
quarterback of those teams. It will never happen -- going to Super Bowl four
years in a row, that's just, you know, unheard of."
Also unheard of: the excruciating outcome. The Bills LOST every single one of
Kelly told Spencer he's hasn't watched any of the replays: "Never have seen a
game film of any of the Super Bowls, never watched one."
Why not? "If I went back, I would have to repeat that all over my mind. I'm
at ease now, knowing what we accomplished, even though we didn't win 'em. I feel
all right with that."
In football and in life, whenever we lose, we try to be stoic, and console
ourselves with brave thoughts about lessons learned, about how we played the
game. Because, as the saying goes, winning isn't EVERYTHING.
Fine. Then again, suppose it IS?
According to psychology professor Ian Robertson, of Trinity College in
Dublin, "Winning's probably the single most important thing in shaping people's
Robertson has studied winning, and what winning can mean. "All species have
hierarchies," he told Spencer. "And your position in that hierarchy will
determine your health, your mental function, your mood."
Robertson argues in his book, "The Winner Effect," that the reason it's so
much fun to win is largely chemical. "Winning increases testosterone, which in
turn increases the chemical messenger dopamine, and that dopamine hits the
reward network in the brain, which makes us feel better."
Feel better . . . and, it seems, even live longer.
It turns out Nobel Prize winners outlive the also-brilliant Nobel nominees by
roughly two years. Baseball players who make it into the Hall of Fame have a
couple of years on players who are turned away.
In Hollywood, it's really Winner Takes All: Academy Award-winners
live, on average, four years longer than other actors.
"Think about the difference in billing of a film, Academy Award-winner versus
Academy Award-nominee," said Duke University neuroscientist Scott Huettel. "So
people who win the awards can command more for their next film. A scientist who
wins a Nobel Prize will, of course, be able to be hired by any university in the
Huettel says the fact that there is often such a fine line between winning
and losing doesn't seem to affect how we feel about second best. "There's this
classic study that looked at athletes in the Olympics. And they did something
very, very clever: They just looked to see how happy athletes were when they
won. They looked at photographs and had unbiased people coding what the facial
They were stunned at what they saw:
"You'll see the common pattern: The gold medalist is very happy, the bronze
medalist is very happy, and the silver medalist often had this sort of blank
expression on his or her face -- sort of staring out into the distance."
Of course, there's no shame in silver . . . unless you can't stop fixating on
"The bronze medalists had thoughts that compared themselves to everybody else,
so they thought, 'Wow, if I'd only done a little worse, I would be one of those
many people that's not here on the medal stand -- I made it, I'm a
'" said Huettel. "The silver medalists, though, had thoughts that
compared themselves to the gold medalist -- I just missed it!
An example: Bronze medalist Ryan Lochte, beaming on the podium, next to
silver medalist Laszlo Cseh (left, in Beijing in 2008). "He is the second best
swimmer in the world, and he is miserable," said Huettel.
Olympians aren't the only ones who hate coming up short. We ALL do, and that
keeps business booming for sports psychologist William Wiener. His clients --
from pro athletes to Little Leaguers (and, of course, their parents) -- have one
thing in common, he says: "In their minds, losing is catastrophic."
"When your clients come to you and say, 'Okay, help me win,' how do you go
about it?" asked Spencer.
"They have to set goals that are in their control rather than outside their
control," Wiener said. "If you come in with a goal of winning a gold medal,
that's not [a] very adaptive or effective goal to set. If you say, 'I want to
run 40 miles a week,' that's within your control."
But as we all know, hard work and achievable goals don't guarantee a win.
Probably the most important thing, Huettel said, is luck.
"A Super Bowl might be decided by a single kick or a single catch," he said.
"Or the wind, or a coaching mistake, or a flip of a coin at the beginning of
overtime. So those various minor effects that could be luck are narrowly
separating the winners from the non-winners."
Winning, he says, is overrated -- an uplifting thought that might get you
thrown out of the locker room of today's losing Super Bowl team.
Jim Kelly says, "There's always going to be a major emphasis on winning,
because that's just the way society is. That's just the way our culture is: That
you want to be number one at the end. And if you're number two, at times,
there's no doubt that number two is looked upon as mediocre, as a person that
didn't achieve it, sometimes as losers."
Spencer asked, if he could rewrite history, would he rather go to four Super
Bowls and lose every single one of them, or go to one and win it?
"I think four," Kelly said, "because there's a lot of guys that have won one
Super Bowl. They had the right ingredient, that day was their day. But to be
able to quarterback a team four times and be the leader of that team just goes
to show what we have inside our hearts. It shows a toughness, the resiliency,
and how we never, ever gave up."
Jim Kelly's biggest victory may be that he's learned to live with his losses.